Jack Bauer.. Contaminated and Castrated?

If you have been staying up to date on 24 this season you know that Jack Bauer has recently been contaminated and infected with a biological weapon developed in Africa by a rogue militia hired by the U.S. government. You may think the most interesting part of this season is the imminent attack on U.S. soil by this militia, but I have something else for you to ponder.



Allow me to explain:


So as Jack Bauer is being his normal self jumping on top of trucks with terrible biological weapons in them he causes it to crash into some crap on the side of the road. He jumps in the driver door as the truck is flying down the highway and with one swift punch and tug the 'highly skilled' drive goes tumbling out the door. Jack pulls the truck over and notices some damage on the container holding the bio weapon. He can hear a slight sizzle of leaking gas and decides to go into the truck to see what's up. The gas is leaking out and he disables the one tank that is damaged out of the many that are in the truck. Anyways long story short, Jack is infected and he has to take his clothes off to be cleaned by the CDC (Center for Disease Control.)



"Oh man I'm infected"










"Now they are going to see what the Chinese did to my penis :("







"Dear god I hope they don't stare at my urethra tube"






"WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT THING WHERE HIS PENIS SHOULD BE!?"





Instead of a penis and two testicles, Jack has only a small lump of sack left and 4 centimeters of a CapriSun straw tube urethra dick. There is no shaft, no head and by no means any balls.