THE MOST HIGHLY ANTICIPATED FILM OF 2009

NEW PRODUCT HITS THE OPEN MARKET

But really.

TRUTHPASTE

MERCH.

Stunning Plot Twist On This Week's LOST!

Watch this week's LOST on ABC to find out why!

Introducing...

Snakes on a Plane. literally.

Baby pythons overpower captain and crew of 747 plane; make daring, first-ever snake-operated landing.

Pirates! duped by dolphins? earth's future?

Dolphins are probably one of the smartest animals to ever live on this great green planet. This article features dolphins protecting our waters from sea fairing terrorists, using a keen special ability that would make even Bruce Wayne a little jealous.

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/15/china-reports-dolphins-foiled-pirate-attack/

Dolphins scour the oceans looking to gangbang sharks and other asshole sea dirges. My only guess is that in 2012 they will move into their next stage of evolution, taking the place of humans by sprouting legs and arms (becoming more human), moving out of the oceans and attacking humans with tridents and/or drowning them in blowhole water while they slee at night. They will be unstoppable for they will not know how to control their new found lust for human blood. Dolphins will then pave the way for other oceanic creatures to rise out of the oceans and become land dwellers (whales, manatees, sea lions ohmy!). This sea to land movement will be dreadful for our native land animals and will disrupt their ecosystem if they do not fight back. Land animals will not possess the firepower to fight back against the dolphins and will be phased out along with humans, leaving dolphins as earth kings...I believe they will look something like this.....

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"i fuckin' double dog dare ya' to throw one more plastic bottle into my milky diamond ocean"

GNN

This blog needs a theme song. Please vote for your favorite in the comments section.

Candidate #1:


Candidate #2:


Candidate #3:

NEW PRODUCT HITS THE OPEN MARKET

go go demon henchmen!!!!

We all loved power rangers when we were young chips and chaps, but what happened to the rainbow colored super heroes over the past 10 years? Let's take a stroll down memory lane to a place where high schooler's fight with enormous pig-headed monsters, hang out at gyms and drink smoothies all day, have bad hair and positive dispositions, everyone knows karate, and talk to giant faces that float and live in water....oh did i leave out the fact that 6 kids are in control of a few giant animal robots with armed with weapons of mass d(isney)estruction.

the behemoth floating head zordon

"i need a few minutes alone with the pink and yellow rangers...
big z gotta get some of dat'"

from wikipedia:

"Power Rangers, a long-running American children's television series, originated from the Japanese tokusatsu Super Sentai Series. The American producers did not simply make an English dub of the original, but rather put together a "new" production with English-speaking actors spliced in with the original Japanese footage in varying ratios. Due to the very Japanese nature of many of the Super Sentai Series' stories and design, the American shows vary detail to appeal to a Western audience. A Power Ranger, a fictional individual, "morphs" from a person into a powerful superhero — generally wearing a color-coded battle suit usually made of spandex or other skin-tight material and a helmet with an opaque visor. In many cases, the helmet serves to protect his or her secret identity. In some cases, more powerful Rangers may have extra shielding on their suit to protect them from strong blows.

Since its american debut in 1993, the Power Rangers franchise has had 16 different spinoffs, with 16 different theme songs. I felt compelled to search for these theme songs online, on a little website, you guys may have heard of it....YOUTUBE... for shits and giggles, what i found was very odd to say the least...

It's a shame to see great song writing lost to the hands of the disney corporation. Before Disney came along, the deep emotional connectivity of those tunes flowed through our souls. Played at our birthday parties, proms, halloween stores, weddings, and yes even barmitzvah's, the songs stayed true to their fans, great music with a positive message....until power rangers RPM came along, then it was like watching two beautiful unicorns make love, and then mickey mouse taking a liquid shit into a funnel and dribbling it all over them. fuck u disney, u took a liquid shit all over my childhood. theend.

PIRATES!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090414/ap_on_re_af/piracy;_ylt=AuSiM2n9ZA3u.PxxrnjyGSEazJV4

Hullo

a short tribute to our favorite animal!



enjoy screms

Rubber Snakes and Excel Spreadsheets

April 14th is

Pohela Boishakh.

That's Phonecian for the Bengali new year. In Bangladesh, it's the year 5111. Judging how Bangladesh has been doing for the past... since its independence from Pakistan, I'm pretty content with the past. Just FYI, future, we surprisingly make it past 2012 and global warming is really a cactuswoman.

Also, on this day in the Bengali year of 5017 during the War to End All Wars (followed shortly thereafter by much more gigantic and much more popular war) Turkish forces invaded Armenia in one of the last military actions of the Ottoman Empire. Yes, the empire broke up shortly after the war but that didn't stop leftover Ottoman forces from hanging out and fulfilling their tender promise of armenian genocide!!! all the way through to 1919! Allow me to graph this phenomena.

In conclusion, bloodthirsty Bengali rituals demand aremenian babyflesh.

Easter

Today, Zesus came back from the dead and sprinkled his merchants with bliss, tigris leaf, and finely minced meadow.