Saturday, April 25, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
BREAKING NEWS: CIVILIZATION WILL END IN 3 YEARS
Time to add another certainty to the growing list of Earth catastrophes set to occur in 2012: Supermassive solar superstorms.
Once the massive solar superstorm of super proportions thrashes the Earth with its mighty heated wings of fury, the sequence of the events, according to expert astronomers, will look something like this:So what actually is it?
Solar storms do not normally cause much concern. Swarms of electrically charged subatomic particles from the Sun periodically buffet the Earth and its surroundings, causing health worries for astronauts and the owners of satellites, whose delicate electronics can be fried.
But down on the surface, cocooned under an ocean of air, we rarely notice more than the pretty lights in the sky, created as the electrically charged particles from the Sun sweep into the Earth's own magnetic field to generate the Northern and Southern Lights.
But every now and then, the Sun is convulsed by a gigantic tempest: 50,000-mile-wide eddies of boiling hydrogen plasma on its surface ejecting a billion-tonne, malevolent blob of crackling-charged gas into space at a million miles an hour.
And, very occasionally, one of these mighty coronal mass ejections, as they are called, smacks into the Earth head-on.
First, all of the Earth's Trees will evaporate, spreading a majestic green mist that will cover the entire planet. This will intially be received as a joyous miracle, for now every man, woman and child will be able to find their lost baseballs once hidden beneath the dense foliage.
However, screams will begin to cry out once all of Earth's children will begin to disintegrate into dust, leaving behind a plethora of milky white souls for the sun God to feast upon. The dense, white part of the image shown below is an extreme close up of the United States during the soul extraction procedure.
Finally, after many years, the planet will have become one with the sun God and remain a benevolent protector of the last remaining human civilization located on a secret the moon base, Truthpaste Metropolis.
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